THE WHY

Hi there.

If you’ve been sticking around here with me for quite a while this is probably what you’re wondering right now: Why? Why did she change everything again and why did she do it so secretly?

I created this blog a long time ago.  By then I  wasn’t really aware of the exact direction I wanted to go towards with it. At the time I decided to write all of my content in German. It is – after all – my native language and probably the language I felt most confident with back then.
But things don’t ever stay the same and time tends to apply changes to people’s lives without them even noticing.
I’ve always dreamt of having a place to pour my heart out into. A place to share my thoughts from deep within on all the topics that really move me. A place where I could connect to other people in order to discuss those very thoughts and opinions. A place to make new friends in.
When I relaunched this blog a few months ago I thought I’d finally created that special place. But I hadn’t. I hadn’t at all.
Still I didn’t feel free to write about things that were really important to me. In a way I felt restricted and a bit lost.
It took my a long time to figure out what the reason was.

German has been my main writing language for the past 20 years. I don’t know exactly what sparked that change inside me but I feel like I am just not capable of expressing myself in my native language the way I want to anymore. Building sentences has become a struggle as I always feel like the German language is missing some particular words or phrases. Sometimes all I can come up with is English words and I don’t remember the German equivalents anymore.

The thing is: I’ve actually known before. Over the years German became harder and harder  for me to use. But I never felt quite confident enough to change everything to English. Mainly because I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it perfect – I mean, I am a freaking perfectionist! But also because I didn’t want to go for such a big change without being entirely sure whether it was the right thing to do.

I won’t be able to express myself as grammatically correct as I was when I was blogging in German. English is not my native language and I still make a lot of mistakes. But I am going to be able to express myself more accurately. The words you’re going to read here are going to be the ones straight from my head, heart and soul. No desperate rambling anymore.

I didn’t make a big announcement about this anywhere because I am actually still very insecure about it and I hope you’re gonna give me a chance to show you that this is the right way to go for me. After all it is very important to me to give you a good reading experience and to reach out to you with my emotions.

Now to come to a close: I am still not quite sure if I’ve found the right reason for not having been able to put my thoughts into words in the proper way. Maybe there’s still a million others I am yet about to discover.
But at least I found one and that is a good place to start, isn’t it?

All the love,

Hannah.

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